Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
