Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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