I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize