Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize