come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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