Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
