Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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