So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
