honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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