Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
