I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
