After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
