When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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