he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
