Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
