I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
