In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Welp...herpes.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
