she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
nutella sex= disaster
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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