She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
