i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
