dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
