I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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