You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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