YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It was confusing and full of hummus
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
