K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Still dying that you shit outside
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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