i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
