I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
