I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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