Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
