i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
