My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
