My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Randomize
