soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
