I just saw a hot homeless man
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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