i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
