I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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