Dual....:-)
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
