Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
