high people should be assigned attendants
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
