so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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