We won't sleep together?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
