These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
