We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Randomize
