she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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