we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize