drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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