Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
