I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
