I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
