Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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