I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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