I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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