what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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