i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
