Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize