Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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