My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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