I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
