dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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