Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
