Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
