So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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