i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize