there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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