this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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