Im at strip club and am horny
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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