Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
