This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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