i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
